Feeling stuck is an experience we can all relate to, at one time or another. At certain times in our lives we even expect it (at the end of a romantic relationship, after the death of a loved one, as a new empty-nester). There are other times that creep up on us however: repeating the same dynamics in relationships that we know are unsatisfying but cannot seem to change; in a job that was satisfying for a long time, but now isn’t; when a marriage or relationship has lost its spark. How does one get un-stuck?

By the time you are reading this, children are back in school and Rosh Hashanah is literally around the corner. The fall is a time of transition, of new beginnings, of change. It is a time to tackle feeling stuck. Usually we come to realize we are stuck after some difficulty, some experience of trying to make a situation better without success; we are feeling low. Often these are familiar feelings, and they make us questions ourselves. Dr. Timothy Butler suggests that this introspection is in and of itself the necessary means to making change: “It is impossible to deny that our wheels are deep in the mud, so we get out of the car, stand there, and begin to listen to the sounds of the night around us. What can we possibly do to get unstuck?”

It is often only after this experience of “opening up,” of looking for new connections or idea, new relationships or ways to be, that we can begin to make change. In turn, we learn about ourselves, our needs and wants—all information that will be helpful in the future.

For many, the “low” experience of coming to terms with being stuck is a temporary and transient state that lifts as a course of action becomes clearer; for fewer others, it leads to a clinical depressive episode characterized by a combination of depressed mood, sleep and appetite disruption, low energy, little interest of taking pleasure, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, difficulty concentrating, feeling either slowed down or unusually restless, recurring thoughts of death or ideas about committing suicide. The intensity and duration of symptoms is different for the impasse leading away from stuckness and a depressive episode; Dr. Butler notes that during impasse one may feel these symptoms, but unlikely to feel them all together and without letting up; “they may be painful but they do not shut down your ability to move through your day and feel that you can meet the challenges in front of you even if you feel ‘in the dark.’”

If you are looking for ways to move beyond a stuck place and it would be helpful to talk, please contact me. Likewise, if you are experiencing depressive symptoms, please call. I can help sort through your symptoms, and determine with you the best course of action.

– Nicole Jellinek LICSW

Nicole is Congregations Agudas Achim’s part time social worker funded by the Kesher Program, a joint project of the Jewish Federation of Rhode Island, the Bernhardt Foundation, Jewish Family Service, and the synagogue. She can be reached at (401)338-8301 or kesher@agudasma.org.

Posted: August 28th, 2010 under Kesher - Column.
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